A compassionate guide in writing a Eulogy
I. The weight of the task
Writing a eulogy for a funeral is akin to honoring our loved one’s life story. Eulogy is not just putting heartfelt words together, or feeling the deep affection of every word there is, but also the immense emotions of grief we are feeling as we write those words. Amidst the grief, it is overwhelming to finally put everything into one speech, rekindling the life they had and as we are sitting there thinking, “where do I begin?” --- and all of a sudden, memories flooding like waves, capturing the good and the bad, the happy and sad, and these definitely will left us with tears in our eyes. How can we go about conveying a lifetime of love, memories, and ties into a few minutes of speech?
This eulogy guide will serve as a gentle reminder that it may be overwhelming to craft a compassionate one, it’s our best way to honor them, while in our journey to healing.
II The Value of a Eulogy
A eulogy is more than just a speech, it is a life story of the persons we loved told in a myriad of honor and affection put into words. Rekindling fond memories of how they lived and loved, of their kindness, their laughter, their success, even their moments of challenges, and how much they meant to us. These are the moments that we celebrate our best days with them, our tribute of the person they were in this world. We can find solace and gratitude despite the sorrow. Through eulogies, we feel the connection amongst all those who are present. It allows us to smile despite the heartbreaks, and reminded us that we are not alone in our path to grief. It is our expression of our love, friendship, and happy memories with them. All though we can’t exactly sum up the impacts they have in our lives for just a few minutes, still it is worth remembering.
III Getting started: Reflection of memories
Find a quiet place, gather our thoughts, breathe. It is okay if we feel emotional while thinking about our loved ones. Prepare a pen and paper, and jot down all we can remember, even the small things. A few samples of questions or prompts below can help as a guide:
- How do we feel about them?
- What stories about them that made us laugh, cry, and excited?
- What are the best or special moments we have with them?
- What are their favorites?
- What made them unique?
- Any random things we can think about them
As we try to narrow them down, we will have a clearer picture of the things we want to write about them. It doesn’t need to be perfect; it only needs to be full of honesty and affection. This is also the first realization of the impact they have in our life. Reliving them in our memories is a way of how much they mean to us.
IV Bringing Together Your Loving Honor
Once you’ve already done pondering your thoughts, it is time to conceptualize them into a more structured and significant eulogy. It doesn’t need to be polished, what matters is the thought of the speech itself.
Begin with introduction. A simple introduction and our relationship to the deceased will suffice.
The body. This is where we share our stories about them. Of how they lived, and their impacts to our lives. This is where we rekindle fond memories of them. Remember, there is not right or wrong way of writing a eulogy. Everything comes from the deep of our hearts.
Gentle closure. Our closing remarks filled with longing, passion, and hope. A tribute of their life intertwined with ours, and finding healing and support from all those who are present.
V Common mistakes in Writing a Eulogy
Writing a eulogy is not a walk in the park. It is overwhelmingly difficult to gather our thoughts. Though there is no perfect way to write a eulogy, there are a few common mistakes we do when writing it.
Writing too much information. We know we wanted to give our best to our loved ones, that we wanted to tell all the good memories, that we ended up having disorganized thoughts, which ended in frustration. We wanted to tell everything – but instead of focusing on details, let’s choose the most meaningful ones, which we think can speak volumes of them. We have to narrow down to tell the most loving and endearing and clear stories of them.
Too many memories cluttered. Eulogy is not a list of accomplishments and uninteresting memorization of dates. It is a powerful recognition of a person’s life which can utterly connect with everyone present. It is the love we all shared, the moments, and the experience we have with them. A celebration of life, that all of us will remember.
Feigned emotions. We can’t fake emotions especially in these trying times. However, we ended up messing it all up because we don’t want to be highly emotional during the eulogy. Too controlling, that it becomes no emotions, at all. Eulogy is our time to shed tears, laugh, and be true to ourselves. Raw feelings of sorrow, anguish, longing, and love are the fundamental emotions which make the eulogy a heartfelt one.
Rushing the process. Writing a eulogy is a soul-stirring and rigorous one. With that, we ended up creating it quickly that it lacks the true essence of the speech. Let’s give ourselves time to have the moment of peace and let our hearts do the talking. If it’s too overwhelming, take a rest and relax first, and go back again, sometimes taking a breather can help.
VI Speak with love: Getting ready to honor them
As a known adage goes, “practice makes perfect”, let us process that practicing first in a quiet place, helps us learn how to play with our words. Yes, there are no perfect timing, but it is a best practice to prepare. Through practice, we learn to put our discomfort at bay, though it will be a challenge to control our emotions, this will give us a leeway to anticipate the worst scenarios in a eulogy. From choosing the right words and delivering them correctly, to holding back tears while reading them amongst the crowd.
Breathe, and pause. Give time to feel our surroundings. When we’re ready, speak with love and respect. Nobody expects us to be composed as we deliver the eulogy. Cry if we must, but never forget that we are there to tell their stories, it is not about us, it’s about them. Emotions will shake us to the core, and if we can’t control it, take a moment to gather ourselves. What matters will always be the words people will understand from the heart, and with this, it will be a day to be remembered.
VII Our final remembrance
Writing a eulogy is both a blessing and a bittersweet experience. We just can’t find the right words to describe our profound love and longing to our loved ones. It is both beautiful and dark. But our words can at least give us a moment to rekindle happy memories, it may not be lasting, but the important part is the gathering of individuals honoring and celebrating our dearly departed. Grief will never go away; it will just become a part of us that we will learn to accept in the long run. There is no short cut to healing, but in most cases, eulogies are our first sign that healing is also part of the process and an assurance.
Funerals are by far the least favorite gathering in this lifetime. May our love for our dearly departed be our way of showing that life itself is a journey worthy of. And, through all of these, we will heal in our own way and time. After all, we are not alone.
If you have any questions, comments or according to you certain information is missing after reading this post, feel free to contact us via the contact form.
